I Need to Recalibrate

In the past 2 years, there have been 4 girls that I went out with who ended it with me (2 once, 1 three times, 1 relationship), rather than the other way around. On the surface, that’s not bad odds when I consider that the reverse was many times more.

But I’ve been thinking about these 4 girls. I’ve been thinking about what I did wrong, and what I need to do better. These were all high quality girls. I can tell they’d also all been out with a lot of men, so probably not a great start. They ranged in age from 23-29.

In three of the four, I showed too much interest. In one, I should have shown a little more public interest to maintain the attraction.

As I was pondering the reasons for these 4 ending it with me, Roosh brilliantly sent an email via ReturnofKings. In it he says “not being needy is important because it shows girls you’re already getting what you, well, need.” He then recommends the following 13 points:

1. End conversations early.
2. Cancel dates.
3. Be late.
4. Appear disinterested.
5. Don’t lean in.
6. Stop trying to kiss her all the time.
7. Don’t tell her when you’ll contact her.
8. Don’t say you’ve been in love.
9. Don’t talk longingly about your exes.
10. Don’t console her.
11. Take days to call her back after first time sex.
12. Don’t ask for her opinions.
13. Be insensitive.

This hit home. I’ve been doing several of these wrong. The following three are the most important things for me to do:

11. Take days to call her back. - For me, this is the single most important. Several times the first date went well, but then I’ve called too soon and shown too much interest. I did it to try and maintain momentum, but that doesn’t work. In fact, investing too much too quickly kills attraction stone dead. I had given myself up too easy. I should have taken days to call them after the first time we went out. That’s the single most important thing I should have done. As Heartiste says:

Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity. The man who gives his emotional world away too easily robs women of the satisfaction of earning his love. 

The next five times I go on a first date with a girl, I’ll wait 3 days to message her back.

2. Cancel dates. - Flaking works wonders. I know this!! I need to do it more often. Girls do it, we men should have it as standard fare in our playbook. For my next five first dates, I’m going to flake on them first, earlier that day. It’s the simple easiest way to establish higher value.

3. Be late. – I’m a stickler for politeness and being on time. But Roosh is right. I need to instill more anticipation and dread. We can’t be boring and predictable. We need to keep girls tingling through ANTICIPATION.

In hindsight, this sticking point of showing too much interest now seems clear. If I look back at the last 3 girls who were chasing me HARD, I did the following:

1. Cancelled dates.

2. Didn’t call them back – they contacted me and pushed hard.

3. Was nonchalant and didn’t care too much with which way it went.

Now this needs to be balanced with Going After What You Want.

How do you balance it?

The model is once you’ve been direct in meeting them and getting physical, you then then back off significantly. Flake, delay, don’t call.

Then make plans, and ramp it up.

Then when you’re apart, back right down again.

Brad is the master of this. If you’re scheduling a date with a girl and she’s being flaky but suggests the following weekend, say something along the lines of:

• “Sounds okay I’ll have to let you know”
• “Yeah we’ll see how we go”
• “Yeah maybe, we’ll play it by ear”

This sends massive tingles through girls as you’re ambivalent. As Heartiste says, “Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise.”

Glenn P. also made the great point in a podcast last week that when a girl is in a relationship with an alpha guy, she is not going to let him go. That helped me realize the second thing I’ve done wrong with each of these girls. These girls were of so high quality that I backed off a bit, and wasn’t alpha enough. Girls like this are used to having their asses kissed. My mistake. I should have been more dominant. I should have cared less about what I said. I won’t make the same mistake again.

This was again brought home yesterday by an incredibly insightful girl I know. She told me that her former husband, who she fought and massive arguments with, would always be the love of her life. She said her current partner treats her like a princess, but she just doesn’t have that same level of love for him. He doesn’t generate the same level of feelings in her. As I’ve previously said, you need to stir girls’ emotions. The best way to do that, as always, is to follow the Top 2 Recommended Posts here.