I was out with a group of friends a few months after the aftermath of Mila and my almost reconciliation, when I met Emmanuelle Chirquiri through one of them. Emmanuelle is South American. A solid 8.5 with makeup, predominantly thanks to her banging body. Without makeup and in the morning she’s only a 6.5, as I would later discover.
The night we were introduced and began talking, Emmanuelle’s bitch shield defences were up incredibly high. Kezia has trained me on how to beat these, but this girl was something else. I knew she didn’t have a boyfriend, but she just didn’t seem interested in engaging with me or anyone else.
I had pretty much given up when I went to the bathroom. While waiting in the line, I noticed that a mutual friend had tagged Mila into the club next door. Holy shit. This was my opportunity. After leaving the bathroom I saw Emmanuelle outside. I walked over to her, which was in perfect sight of the club next door’s entry.
A plan formed in my mind. Emmanuelle had an insanely proportioned body – massive breasts, great ass and a toned stomach – a perfect 0.7 ratio and the type of body I know Mila was always after but could just never achieve. If there was one thing I had figured out about Emmanuelle, it’s that she was a standoffish bitch. But I had an inkling that I could twist that and use it for my own selfish purposes. Little did I realise she was going to enjoy it as much as I would.
We talked for about 10 seconds and Emmanuelle was as disengaged as ever, when I looked over to the club next door and said “Damn. That’s my ex”. I was making it up. I knew she had been inside the club for forty minutes.
Emmanuelle looked over. There was a crowd of people walking into the club. “Which one?” That was the greatest reaction I’d had from her in 15 minutes of talking. Her interest was piqued.
“She just walked in. If I see her again, you’re my girlfriend.”
Suddenly, she sprung to life. “Okay” she said.
I looked back over at the entrance to the club.
Emmanuelle grabbed my arm, surprisingly tightly. I turned, and she was staring intensely in my eyes. “If you see her, I WANT to be your girlfriend”.
“That’d be really good” I said, holding her eye contact.
“Let’s go find her” she said.
“Okay” I said, putting my hand out. She grabbed it, and we turned and walked towards the club hand in hand. This was better than anything I could have planned. It seemed the competition and drive to make my ex jealous was a powerful motivator and excited this girl. I later reflected that because she worked out so much at the gym, she probably had excess testosterone, which drove up her drive for competition.
Security let us into the venue without hassle, and we walked down the stairs. As we did so, I scanned the room. My odds were on Mila being on the dancefloor, trying to attract male attention. I was right. The dancefloor was only half full and I spotted Mila and her friends. I walked diagonally towards her, so that Emmanuelle and I would end up walking straight past her on our current course.
As I was a couple of steps away, I noticed Mila look straight at me and her mouth drop open in shock.
I gave her a ‘wassup’ upward nod as she struggled to regain composure.
At that moment, Emmanuelle, who had been on the other side of me holding my hand, came around into view. I squeezed her hand to let her know this was it. I kept my eyes transfixed on Mila, while I turned my head slightly to look in Emmanuelle’s direction.
Emmanuelle pushed her body right against me, grabbed the back of my head and began kissing me passionately. She had done this so smoothly and effectively that Mila was staring at me, still struggling to regain composure, when Emmanuelle face raped me. I kept my eyes open for a few seconds, just long enough to savour the look on Mila’s face. Then I closed my eyes and enjoyed the smug satisfaction of the passionate kiss she was giving me. We eventually stopped to come up for air, and Mila and her friends had disappeared. I figured they had retreated towards the bathroom, obviously following her in her state of distress. My diabolical plan had succeeded.
“Let’s get out of here” I said to Emmanuelle. I took her by the hand and led her towards the doorway, then figured I wasn’t done with her just yet. I pushed her into a dark corner, and we made out there for another 5 minutes. It seemed that now I’d conquered her bitch shields, she was open to the idea of us getting physical.
Still, I figured she could turn off at any second and warn that this didn’t mean anything, so I pre-emptively struck to break rapport.
I stopped kissing her and looked at her. “We don’t tell anyone about this. Deal?”
She nodded. We made out for another minute, then I took her by the hand and we walked out. As we did, we walked up the stairs right behind Mila. She noticed us as we walked out of the club, and I put my arm around Emmanuelle’s shoulders, just as I used to do with Mila. We walked back inside the bar to meet our friends. I’ve never spoken to Mila since.
It’s hard. I continue to feel so strongly about Mila, that I have thrown myself into hooking up with other girls that I don’t really like to try and dull the pain. In truth, I’m still going through stages of grief. Berger’s model seems to fit best with what I’ve experienced. I’m at the ‘Seeker’ stage. I’ve been looking to adopt beliefs and redirect my life to create more meaning in my life. This is partly what this blog and the Manosphere have helped to do. I’ve needed this because beliefs that I had previously held as rock solid have been shaken to the core. I have needed to reinterpret and re-evaluate a lot of the information I had previously held dear.
I know that this won’t bring Mila back. But it’s forced me to lash out at the things that kept us apart. I’m still furious at the background I have that put distance between us. I’ve channelled that anger into changing my way of life, as it’s the only thing that brings me peace. I’ll have a full detailed post about ways to get over a girl soon.
Update: I wrote this a little while ago… I think I’m now coming into the ‘acceptance’ stage of grieving. It’s time to move on. Thank you to everyone in the Manosphere for your brilliant support and insight. As I said, men, it does get better.
Wow…kickass story. It seems like this girl has played a huge part in a lot of the stuff that you write.
I relate a lot to this tale- I broke up with my own ‘Mila’ a few years ago. She’s absolutely incredible. While we were broken up, she popped up consistently in my head when I was in the act of having sex with other girls. It was sexually fun, but unfulfilling in the end in most ways… And I felt bad for the girls I was with.
My situation differs a bit from yours-I somehow got her back after a couple of years- and we are together now and it is amazing in most ways. However, I have flashes where I worry about the fact that at age 26 I have some independent development that needs to be hashed out on my own…
Completely relate to reworking your paradigm as well. It’s a struggle to recalibrate, but yea, it gets better.
Dude my advice is if you’ve got her, don’t sacrifice her for ‘individual development’. The quote in ‘Before Sunrise’ is spot on-
I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.
A friend of mine just married his college sweetheart after breaking up fifteen years ago. They never got over each other, both went on to marry and divorce other people, and have two kids each. A lot of good years lost, though I am happy for them for getting back together.
Why didn’t they work out in the first place? Do they regret it?
I don’t know exactly what happened. From what I gathered, she was independent (smart, career-oriented type) in college and thought they were too young to settle down (I had a similar story, but I did marry my college sweetheart very early on, glad I did we are very fortunate).
They were reacquainted at a mutual friend’s funeral years later when he was in the process of separation from his wife. He told me the moment he saw her again the chemistry hadn’t ebbed at all. She apologized to him for her behavior, they talked for hours, started seeing each other again, yadda yadda….
And Now it’s Saturday night…off to drink some wine, make some love, and flirt with some women (in no particular order, and perhaps all at once)
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You know you’re getting close to the kind of guy you want to be when you can write as openly as these posts have been about your vulnerabilities and still come off giving the impression of a well grounded and awesome fella. Nice writing.
Thanks mate, very kind. The Manosphere contributed so much to my way of thinking (especially Heartiste, Dalrock and Rollo) that I’ve wanted to give something back.
Before Sunrise… I bawled through out that entire film. A film-a-phile suggested it to me not knowing that I had recently returned from a trip where I met a man; traveled with him for two weeks or so and in that time we had a fleeting but extraordinarily passionate affair.
In the last 10 years the number of men I have met that I felt that strongly about, felt such a pull towards has only grown from 2 to 3. he was number 2.
Yes, when I felt it with number one I was hesitant. I didn’t want to wonder, what if? By 8 years later and finally feeling it with my fleeting affair fellow I knew how rare this sensation was. I enjoyed every drip of it however self awareness is like malaria, an affliction that never truly goes away and rears it head often when you are at your weakest.
I knew, all three times, these situations were rare. Only the first did I doubt my convictions. But at 19 yes, you DO FEEL there is a world full of people you will have this same connection with. Tsk Tsk youthful jay… how naïve of you.
What’s it? You don’t know what you’ve lost till its gone. is that about love or youth here? both I think
I went through a similar situation where I dated and fell in love with a beautiful and smart girl. Also, she was graceful, moved like a ballerina, and dressed well, too. After she cheated on me and left, I became a wrecking ball, acting uncaring and hooking up with different girls. And one time I see her walk into the same club where we would dance and make out and people would come up to us and say we were a cute couple, and I’m with another girl dancing and she notices me glancing at my ex, and she asks what it’s about and I explain the brief version. That night, she, the new girl, takes me home and wants me all night long. I can relate to this blog post and to the last comment. Even though it’s been a year and two months, sometimes, I still miss this girl, Raegan. I even wrote an ebook about our 4-month travels through Europe. http://www.HowtoTravelEuropeCheap.com