We were on a date later that week. It was more of the same of when we’d first met. Fascinating conversation and an incredible connection. I followed all of the recommendations I included in this date post. Sitting sideways next to each other, choosing the place etc.
The attraction was strong, but I needed to be extremely careful I didn’t get friend-zoned. She had arrived at the club with three males and I could already see that she would constantly be surrounded by men who were in love with her but she had severely friend-zoned. I would later find out just how much she got off on it. That’s why I needed to push the physicality quickly and kiss her as soon as possible.
Halfway through the night, as we were leaving where we had dinner, I went to kiss her. She pulled away.
“Not yet” she said. “I want it to be somewhere special”.
Try and kiss me now or lose your chance forever. But… you just can’t kiss me yet.
Not perturbed at all, I took her to another venue for dessert. Inside, we ran into a group of my work colleagues. After we ordered ridiculously rich chocolate fondants, we sat and talked with them. She was incredible. Engaging, witty, charming, intelligent. She sidled up to me as we spoke and put her hand on my leg possessively. While she had rejected my initial kiss, the friend zone had been beaten.
She was insanely attracted and putting her mark in front of my friends that I was hers. I dropped her home and kissed her on her forehead. We promised to see each other again soon.
We went out two nights later. She told me she wanted to see a new art exhibit that was opening. Not my thing, but if she was taking me to somewhere where I’d be her partner, I had no problem with it. She mentioned that there were also some beautiful grounds outside the exhibit. It was also obvious that she wanted to get me alone at night…
I picked her up and drove there. The conversation was again fascinating. We spent some time examining the artwork, and then went outside and strolled around in the open air. The night sky and stars were completely clear. We looked up, admiring the view for a minute, and I tried to figure out when the best time to kiss her would be. She answered it for me, sidling up next to me and resting her head on my shoulder. I put an arm around her and drew her in. After thirty seconds, I turned. Our lips met eagerly.
Remember men, anticipation is key. Let it build and build some more… but be prepared to pull the trigger before her interest and arousal starts to fall.
We stood there kissing for the best part of an hour before walking back to my car, hand in hand.
On our third date, our clothes came off.
We began sleeping together 2-3 times a week. Early on, we established that our backgrounds were too different and that we couldn’t work in the long term. She was a Bhuddist and into new-agey stuff. She was also a vegetarian. On that basis, we would be strictly casual and no feelings would be involved. It was basically Friends With Benefits.
I started to lose interest. Subconsciously I knew that she was a slut who had given herself up too easily. I began seeing other girls. Having a regular girl on the side was doing wonders for my game. I was pulling girls I had known for years but having the paradigm of a steady girl resulted in me caring less. My interactions with them consequently changed, which resulted in them throwing themselves at me. I also began seeing a distant friend of hers secretly. As I said here when I first started the blog, it was a bad habit, but also a careful juggling act.
Having that mindset of abundance worked wonders. As Gambler says in Stealth Attraction, “the interest you receive minus the effort you’re giving to get that interest = the attraction”. I wasn’t putting in too much effort, and Mila was the one always demanding we meet up. Sometimes I actually wondered why she was bothering, as I hardly reciprocated at all. She was continually driving the relationship forward. At the same time, I kept developing myself. I continually read interesting books, which meant that I was always sharing my latest discoveries and learnings with her and was genuinely interesting.
Looking back at all the messages which I did to prepare these posts, our relationship was quite bizarre. In hindsight, there was a clear internal struggle with Mila. She knew that we couldn’t work the long term, though would counterbalance that with being highly affectionate. She would go from 2-4 days without responding sometime, then message me “I REALLY need you tonight.” I understand only now just how conflicted she was.
It was all going great, and I was chugging along happily, actively looking to be more serious with another girl if one came along.
Then, disaster struck.
One morning, I woke up. Unexpectedly, unwantedly, out of nowhere, after over 3 months of casually dating Mila, I had feelings for her. I’d started to fall in love with her.
We went out a few nights later, and out of nowhere she confessed she had feelings for me. I felt there was nothing else to do in the situation but be honest. I told her I felt the same. As soon as I did, something clicked in her. She visibly switched off and pulled away, telling me that we had to end it as it went against what we’d initially promised. Shit. That was not the reaction I was expecting.
In hindsight, I think she had the condition of Anhedonia. That’s the sudden terror brought on by the threat of happiness. Happiness is so terrifying and anxiety-inducing to accept that you run the opposite direction from it.
She broke up with me, but on good terms. At the same time, our relationship hadn’t yet run its course, and I was pissed at how abruptly she’d ended it.
Still, she’d message me occasionally, saying things like “what did we do?! I miss you”. I would reply with one of the greatest movie lines ever.
I started to realise I was love struck. I wanted her desperately.
However, I had learned enough game over the years to play cool. I knew to pull back and keep the frame in terms of her chasing me. Besides, I wasn’t going to give her any credence when she was the one who’d ended it with me.