Graph / Diagram of Why You're Being Friend-Zoned

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to graphically depict how to keep moving forward in interactions with a woman for men who aren’t sure when the right time to escalate is.

When you’re interacting with an attractive woman, there are certain key points in which you need to ACT. This applies whether you’ve met her in a bar or club, whether you’re on a date, or whether you’re just hanging out with a girl. If you don’t act within these critical windows, you will be friend-zoned, and she will lose interest.

There is a window of opportunity when you’re with a woman. At any stage, in-between the two red lines, where the stars are, is an opportunity you can take to progress to the next stage. It doesn’t really matter if it’s a bit early, because it’s better to make your intentions clear and avoid getting friend-zoned. However, notice that when you’ve just passed that point of perfect opportunity, she will lose interest and you’ll lose your opportunity altogether.

It’s essentially building tension at the right points, and then acting when the time is right. This applies whether you meet her at a club and want to escalate, or whether it’s on a date. Re-read this post, including the part about Krauser’s Date Model, for further guidance on time-frames for dating.

Think of a rubber band. When you pick it up, you can’t flick it at a target. Put a little bit of tension, and you still can’t. Then stretch it out further, and you’ll get to a point when you could flick it. It’s not the perfect time, but you’ll still be able to flick it. There will be a perfect time to flick it. With some experience, you’ll know exactly when that is. Pulling a little bit too much more however, and you’ll flick yourself and lose tension altogether. 

For the Kissing Timeframe, Maverick Traveller has excellent advice for this: When I was a young rookie and just getting into game, my time to kiss (TTK) was infinity.  I used to go out with chicks but was never pulling the trigger and consequently never moved past the bullshit platonic territory. Later on, I made an effort to have a TTK on the same night I went out with the girl.

I told myself that I wouldn’t end the date until I somehow went for the kiss. So when I went out with a girl anywhere — whether to a park, a club, or a symphony — I would always make to sure to make a move before going home.  It didn’t matter if it would be the cliche kiss after walking her home or partying ways at the metro station. These days my average TTK is around one to two hour mark.

Update: Free Northerner has a good post on The Friend Zone. Watch the embedded video on the page, it’s a classic.