Some of the feedback to my post ‘5 Steps to Beat Getting Friend-Zoned‘ was about how difficult it is to get out of the Friends-Zone. It’s almost always the case, and that’s why I advocate so strongly to act like a man and make a move so that you never get put there in the first place. The issue of how this can continue to hold you back is explored below. A while ago I came across the post Everything Has Its Season by TGR White and was very impressed. Excerpts of his post are below in italics:
Every man has one who got away. For me it was the last girl I had an infatuation with, back in my omega days. She was a mess when I met her. Absolutely beautiful and broken. A monument of abusive relationships, substance addiction, and desperation.The white knight in me wanted to save her. It nearly destroyed me. She was an emotional vampire and she fed off me whilst she fucked others. I ended up angry and bitter. That anger became a catalyst of self improvement. In a way I owe her, for if I had not met her I might never have found the dedication to turn my life around; to get revenge on her.
Revenge never came. What came instead was other girls. Younger, hotter girls. A long time later I met the one who got away. I was different. She was the same. I had the game, the charisma, to conquer her. I was still a beta at heart and passed up a sure thing. It haunts me still; unfinished business. It drove Dante to create a masterpiece of literature
Those tortured memories haunt me and drive me. There is a saying that behind every great man is a woman but never the woman he married.
I resonated with this post. Back in the day, I was a beta. It took me going away, training, learning, understanding and growing, to reform my natural relationships with women. This resulted in a path to incredible success. I enjoyed the pleasures of 9s and 10s, and more insane experiences than most men could ever dream.
However, coming back home to girls I had previously liked who were 7s was still difficult. In some cases they were still impenetrable due to their perceptions of me. While I had changed and grown enormously, their perceptions of me hadn’t.
She is not the same person either; her youth is going, her beauty would not be what it was in the time I knew her. The girl who haunts my memories, whose body I long to touch, lips I long to kiss, is a figment of the past; she is dead and cannot ever be found.
This is why I believe that attempting to improve yourself is much easier in a new location; Once people have pigeonholed you its difficult to change that perception.
I completely agree with this. If you find yourself stagnant, unable to change or grow due to how people perceive you, then it’s time for a change. The single best way to do this is to move. This will help you to become a better man. While you need to keep key, loyal and faithful friends and family from your life as an anchor, you need to associate with more ambitious, motivated people who are operating at a higher level than the people who have been holding you back.
I did actually manage to change the perception of the woman above by prolonged absence from her life coupled with learning game, packing on muscle and sleeping with other women. When I ran into her by accident she said to me “You seem taller”. Back at her place she threw herself at me. That was the first time I ever had a girl give me the fuck me eyes.
TGR White acknowledges he then screwed up by not being alpha enough. It’s extremely difficult to change this perception. For another story, read the Maverick Traveller’s saga of a girl who he didn’t get physical with fast enough, and then reacted badly once they did get physical at a later date.
The solution? Never get Let’s Just Be Friends in the first place. Move on. Find better, hotter girls, and forget about the ones in your past. They’re not that great. Seriously.
First, I love this line and have always found it to be true and helpful to my self growth, “While you need to keep key, loyal and faithful friends and family from your life as an anchor, you need to associate with more ambitious, motivated people who are operating at a higher level than the people who have been holding you back”
Second, this post kinda hits home. In jr high and HS I was… well not an “it girl”. had this crazy curly hair I didn’t know what to do with, my mom never gave me makeup lesson and I really had no interest in it. My body developed quickly and I was uncomfortable with the shapes it had taken, breasts, hips – a womanly figure. In 7th grade it was boy in my class that first made me realized I had a nice rack, called me the beautiful breast girl, even under my baggy boy clothes.
later, I got my act together, accepted my feminine form, got a great haircut and learned how to style it, learned make up and putting together a nice outfit and ta-da. I was getting hit on. I was hot. I don’t know I had a ” first time I ever had a girl (boy) give me the fuck me eyes.” or remember it but it happened.
2 years ago I randomly ran into some guys from HS at a bar. Like the two HOTTEST guys from HS, the guys evvverrry girl wanted. The guys who never hit on me (though apparently talked about my tits in depth even back then). They were both attractive, though one had shrank, lost all his beautiful muscular frame. They both hit on me, we all over me, couldn’t belive it was me (I also had become more outgoing etc since HS).
I went home w one of them and the next day called my HS friends, like we wre still 17 and we giggled and gossiped. I got the hottie. it still mattered. its odd how much it still mattered. it was validation. I was desirable, I changed for the better in personality and looks
A good demonstration of how the friends zone applies for women towards men, but not the other way round. As soon as you became attractive in their eyes, they threw off their past view of you and took you for being sexually attractive. Barely happens the other way round. See the videos I linked to in this post: http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/09/26/manosphere-nice-guys/
While I’m sure that masters of Alpha Game can climb out of the Friend Zone, it’s a waste of time for us Mortals. And the women don’t like it either. When they find out you’ve been “being nice” while harboring a boner for them, they find it deceitful. Pack it in and move on already.
I feel as if only alphas who know didn’t know that they were alphas can climb out.
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Hmm.. As with audacious, the post hits home somehow. Only I can’t get rid of my past self, because some things stayed constant. They are not bad in themselves, but they make me look back to my past too much, and remember all sorts of unpleasantness. Some traits caused me both joy and pain, and it’s difficult not to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
I recommend recognizing the things you’ve learnt and can use as a basis for building on and going forward. It’s too easy to get caught up in regrets of the past and to be held back by them. Build on it, appreciate the experiences and people you know because of your past, and come to peace with it.
lol. i do beleive i mentioned this in the comments of said post.
when she “wants to be friends”. tell her you aren’t looking for a “fried” and rescind you attention from there out. IF you decide to be friends insist that she introduce you to all her single friends.
Thanks for the shout out. That was the spur I needed to get back to posting. Check back to tomorrow and I should have my next post up.
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Best piece of advice ever is getting rid of someone holding you back. This goes for platonic friends as well as romantic interests. There is a time you need to move on from a friendship that is not a positive influence, too. A lot of dating advice regarding boundaries applies equally well to friends and family.