Manosphere: Attraction, Desire and Love (Part 1)

1. Krauser discusses Light Side vs Dark Side Game:

Men are born to lead and protect women, and those men who climb to the top of the value pyramid are better able to do so. You accept women’s submissive role as being their desire to step inside your reality and give themselves up to your direction and order. By accepting their submission you are also taking responsibility for her physical and emotional welfare. You become the man of steel and velvet. While she sits inside your reality she can blossom and grow, learning about herself and life and in return she provides you with the sex and affection that lightens the burden you have assumed. It’s a co-operative value-for-value exchange.

2. Rollo writes that Genuine Desire Cannot be Negotiated:

Women want men to “just get it”… Women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant… I’ve counseled more men than I care to recount who’ve sobbed from the depths of their souls, “IF SHE’D JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE HER LOVE ME I’D DO IT!” not realizing that their very verbalization of that and a belief in open, rational communication is the very thing that’s killing (or killed) their woman’s desire for him.

As I’ve written a thousand times, a cardinal truth of the universe is that genuine desire cannot be negotiated. The moment you tell your wife, your girlfriend, that you will exchange a behavior or attitude or belief or any other compromise for her desire you fundamentally change her organic desire into obligation. What she wants, what her hypergamy wants confirmation of, can never be explicated, it can only be demonstrated. If her desire is for you to be more dominant, her telling you to be so negates the genuineness and the validity of your becoming so.

3. Alpha Game explains the difference between love and being turned on:

We can go on and on about how most women LOVE good beta traits, but they simply ARE. NOT. TURNED. ON. BY. THEM. This is good clarification and it’s really not a very difficult concept to understand. A woman may love her children and she may love her dog, but she is not turned on by them. She may love certain BETA traits and even seek them out in Long Term Relationships, but they do not turn her on…

This is why one of the core principles of Game has always been to ignore what women say about what turns them on and turns them off. For the most part, they genuinely don’t know because they don’t pay close attention to the process or analyze it carefully in the way that men who are interested in the process do.

4. The Badger Hut analyses an extremely insightful post which says:

The point which the article clearly makes is not that being Godly makes you unattractive to women. It’s that being Godly just isn’t relevant to the process of attracting women. To put it another way:

(a) Attraction is not compatibility. (Surely you know this, you must have at least once in your life been strongly attracted to someone that you knew was a poor match).
(b) Almost all romantic advice given to men, by parents, pastors, and female friends, involves improving your compatibility – eg, spiritual growth, communication skills, dealing with emotional damage, cultivating outside interests, etc.
(c) But, all the compatibility in the world, will not get you a relationship without attraction.

5. Gambler writes about how to maintain that loving feeling:

…keeping your attractiveness and making sure your emotional investment in her doesn’t exceed what she feels for you.  If she sees that you like her more than she likes you, it can kill attraction.

The situation:  You’ve met them and had this amazing time, the connection is great and she is very into you.  She gives tonnes of IOIs and you think you are very much in there.  You look into each others’ eyes and feel the sexual tension and your feelings growing.  Then you part ways. You are at home/work thinking about her all day, about how great she is and you have butterflies every time you think about the time you were together… On the other hand, she is getting on with things…

So you were both at an 8 emotionally when you were together and now she is at a 4, and you are still at an 8.  You send her a text or call her and use lots of XXs and s  and talk romantically.  She sees the emotional mismatch and is put off.  After being with you hours ago and saying you were amazing, now she doesn’t even want to see you.

6. Louann Brizendine in The Female Brain explains the neurological aspects of falling in love:

Falling in love is one of the most irrational behaviours or brain states imaginable for both men and women. The brain becomes “illogical” in the throes of new romance, literally blind to the shortcomings of the lover. It is an involuntary state. Passionate being in love or so-called infatuation-love is now a documented brain state. It shares brain circuits with states of obsession, mania, intoxication, thirst and hunger. It is not an emotion, but it does intensify or decreases other emotions. The being-in-love circuits are primarily a motivation system, which is different from the brain’s sex drive area but overlaps with it. This fevered brain activity runs on hormones and neurochemicals such as dipamine, estrogen, oxytocin, and testosterone.

The brain circuits that are activated when we are in love match those of the drug addict desperately craving the next fix. The amygdala-the brain’s fear-alert system- and the anterior cinulate cortex-the brain’s worrying and critical thinking system-are turned way down when the love circuits are running full blast. Much the same thing happens when people take Ecstasy: the normal wariness humans have toward strangers is switched off and the love circuits are dialed up. So romantic love is a natural Ecstasy high.

The classic symptoms of early love are also similar to the initial effects of drugs such as amphetamines, cocaine, and opiates like heroin, morphine, and OxyContin. These narcotics trigger the brain’s reward circuit, causing chemical releases and effects similar to those of romance. In fact, there’s some truth to the notion that people can become addicted to love. Romantic partners, especially in the first six months, crave the ecstatic feeling of being together and may feel helplessly dependent on each other. Studies of passionate love show this brain state lasts for roughly six to eight months. This is such an intense state that the beloved’s best interest, well-being, and survival becomes as important as or more important that one’s own.